Merry Christmas (Motherfucker) - a ruleset

 The Meadow of the Witch-Hares has lain fallow for too long. Flu has tore through the nation and posts have died overripe on the proverbial vine. Worst of all, the foul gait of Christmas lurches Bethlehem-ward to be born...

I had a couple of posts in the pipeline that I ended up deleting as they felt insubstantial and hard to write. This ruleset is definitely slight but the point is to try and get my ego out of it and to get something on the page. I felt quite proud of the Selkie Class post but I was embarrassed by how little traction it got. I'm well enough to write again and I've let myself get out of practice so here: read these rules and get a good chuckle, if you run it that's a bonus.

Here is a ruleset for running a Christmas Movie-themed one shot. It IS a surprise so do not tell your players what the game is called. Simply say it is a ruleset for playing a rom-com and rom-com adjacent Christmas movies as a TTRPG. The comedy of the game is having these silly Christmas rom-com characters have to survive a surprise Die Hard situation (hence the game title).



Merry Christmas (Motherfucker) - the rules

You have one referee (I call myself a dungeon master in all games out of habit, the inherent sexuality just appeals to me, it is risqué enough to feel anti-corporate). The referee narrates the scene and plays all the characters that are not assigned to other players.

You can have any number of other players, but at least one is ideal. If you think you can run 8 or more people through these rules then have fun BUT I think a hard cap of 6 is a better idea. These players all have a MAIN CHARACTER (see stats and classes below) and in games with 3 or less people, an ASSIGNED NPC.

The game is structured into SCENES. The referee describes the scene (What are the characters doing? What is the physical space like? What are the props/points of interest? etc.) and the players then have their characters respond to these circumstances how they wish. They may also ask clarifying questions if any part of the scene is unclear, that the referee may choose to answer how they wish.

If a character is doing something where the outcome is uncertain, they roll a D20 and check against the relevant stat the referee has chosen for this check. If the roll is equal to or under the target number, the roll is a success. If the roll is higher, that's a failure. The referee is permitted to pick what a failure or a success looks like for each instance, but always be moving players onward through the story.

MAIN CHARACTERS

A main character is the focus of the game. They roll checks and have abilities, see below:

ROMANCE

COMEDY

A SECRET THIRD THING*

*(When the game is revealed to be a Die Hard situation, this check is renamed ACTION)

Assign a 5, a 10 and a 15 to your character in each category. These are your target numbers and as you want to roll under or equal to these for checks, a higher number represents greater proficiency in a given area. The players may then choose a character archetype from the list below: (Unless you have too many players, everyone picks a different archetype)

ARCHETYPES

1. The Ingenue: Pretty/handsome/both, often the protagonist and often young and inexperienced in love. Once per scene they can flutter their eyelashes or swish their hair to get someone to do a favour for them, no questions asked.

2. The Scrooge: Bitter and resentful, they hate Christmas and must learn the value of good cheer. Once per scene they can respond to a detail or event that took place within that scene and declare it 'stupid' or 'unrealistic' or even just 'impossible'. The detail or event disappears and the referee adjusts.

3. The Deadbeat Parent: Always late, always something more important to do. They need to see what's really important! Once per scene they can announce that they are 'running late'. They disappear from that scene and are placed somewhere else, doing something else, that the referee decides. They have to reappear in the scene before it ends or at the immediate beginning of the next scene.

4. The Big City Love Interest: Rich as sin and conventionally attractive in an ice-cool way. They probably like Christmas for the wrong reasons. They always have access to a chequebook and credit cards, and their money is functionally infinite as far as the game is concerned.

5. The Hometown Love Interest: Rustic and conventionally attractive in a warm-rustic way. They're so nice it makes you sick. They know how to repair everything and know how all tools work, from their improbably vast background of volunteering for various causes.

6. The Real Musician Making a Cameo: They didn't give you a character because you couldn't act, but you were only here to promote your Christmas single anyway. Once per scene you can start a musical montage in response to another player being asked to make a roll. They automatically succeed without rolling so long as you pick an appropriately relevant song (the cheesier and more literal, the better).

7. The Muppet/Comedy Cartoon Character: To the kids you are the funniest thing they've ever seen. In a years time there will be a landfill of T-shirts and plastic crap with your face on it. Once per scene you can produce an object of your choosing completely out of nowhere. The referee adds a complication to this object so it is inconvenient to use and a source of comedy.

ASSIGNED NPC

In games with 3 or less players and a referee, each player gets an ASSIGNED NPC to round out their character backstory. They describe a character that is a foil to their own (a deadbeat parent gets a starry-eyed child, an ingenue gets a supportive best friend, a muppet gets a po-faced antagonist to prank, etc.) and ask another player to act as that as that character in scenes where the interaction is called for. An ASSIGNED NPC cannot make rolls, has no abilities and exists only to make another MAIN CHARACTER more vivid.

RUNNING THE GAME

This a silly comedy game, so players going off-topic or messing with the central premise is encouraged. Keep it light-hearted where possible, the action should never be anything more distressing than an 80's blockbuster might include. Keep the pace by ending scenes quickly and starting new ones often. If everyone has rolled at least once, that's your sign to move things along. The bait and switch should come after everyone has had a moment to set the tone of the romantic-comedy they are expecting to play through. If you can't think of specific plot beats just steal it from Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, etc. This game is meant to be ephemeral and played only once so focus on it being fun in the moment-to-moment gameplay. Don't overthink it and don't get precious. Throw in complications if its getting too easy, but if you only have an hour or half an hour left move it to a happy conclusion. 

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